The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding

Prologue

The Author’s Introduction

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect".[al-Rûm 30:21]

May the prayers and peace of Allâh be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the one who said in an authenticated hadîth :

"Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and at-Tabârani with hasan isnâd. And declared sahîh from Anas by Ibn Hibbân. And it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]

After this opening: There are in Islâm, certain etiquettes upon anyone who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which many wives in particular have been tested.

I ask Allâh Most High to bring about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.

It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in the source and validity of his acitons. I hope for him that Allâh will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his married life with the following of the sunnah, and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has described in the Qur’ân saying: And those who pray,

"Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [al-Furqân 25:74]

The final disposition of things is for those of pious practise, as the Lord of the Worlds said:

As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content: for that ye worked (righteousness)." Thus do We certainly reward the Doers of Good. [al-Mursalât 77:41-44]

The following then, are those etiquettes:

Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her

It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the hadîth narrated by Asmâ' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said:

"I beautified 'As'ishah for Allâh's Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to 'آ'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet." She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion." At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allâh, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 isnâds - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]"

Placing your hands on your wife's head and praying for her

The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allâh Most High, and pray for Allâh's blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet:

"When any of you marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention Allâh Most High, and pray for His blessings saying: "O Allâh, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her." {Allâhumma innî as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi mâ jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'ûdhubika min sharriha wa sharri mâ jabaltaha 'alaihi} [Abû Dawûd and others. Al-Bukhari in "Af'âlul-'Ibâd", Abû Dawûd, Ibn Majah, al-Hâkim, al-Baihaqî and Abû Ya'lâ with hasan isnâd ...]

The praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakât together on their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:

a.. First: On the authority of Abu Sa'îd Mawla Abu Asyad who said:

"I got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas'ûd, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said to him: 'No!' He said: 'Is it so?' And they said: 'Yes.' Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught me, saying: 'When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakât. Then, ask Allâh for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'" [Ibn Abi Shaibah and 'Abdur-Razzâq]

b.. Second: On the authority of Shaqîq who said:

"A man named Abu Harîz came and said: 'I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ûd said to him: "Verily, closeness is from Allâh, and hatred is from Shaitân, who wishes to make despicable that which Allâh has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakât.'" In another version of the same story, "'Abdullah went on to say: 'And say: 'O Allâh give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allâh join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us that which is better.'" [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabarâni and 'Abdur-Razzâq: Sahîh].

What to say at the time of making Love

When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first:

Bismillahi, Allâhumma jannibnâ ash-shaitân, wa jannib ash-shaitân mâ razaqtanna [In the name of Allâh, O Allâh, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).] About this, the Prophet said: "After that, if Allâh decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child". [al-Bukharî] [1]

How he should come to her

It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes - from behind or from the front. About this Allâh revealed the following verse:

"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]

There are also various hadîth on this subject, of which I will give only 2:

1.. On the authority of Jâbir who said:

"The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allâh revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said : "From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina". [Al-Bukharî and Muslim]

2.. On the authority of Ibn 'Abbâs who said:

"The Ansâr, who had been polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things. The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansâr had followed their example in that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al-Madînah at the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansâr, and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: "We used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from me!" This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So Allâh, revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat). What is meant here is the entry which produces children." [Abû Dawûd, al-Hâkim and others: Hasan isnâd and is supported].

The Prohibition of Sodomy

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a "planting ground" can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. There are also other hadîth on the subject, among them:

a.. First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said:

"When the Muhajirîn came to Ansâr at al-Madînah, some of them married women from the Ansâr. The women of the Muhajirîn used to lie on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the Ansâr never did it that way. Then, one of the men of the Muhajirîn wanted his wife to do that. She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the Prophet but was embarassed to ask the question, adn so Umm Salama asked him. Then the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet> said: "No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening! (ie. the vagina)". [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhî and others : Sahîh]

b.. Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Abbâs who said: "'Umar ibn Al-Khattâb came to the Prophet and said:

'O Messenger of Allâh, I am destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.' (An expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasâ'î in "`Ishratun-Nisâ" with hasan isnâd, at-Tirmidhî and others].

c.. Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thâbit who said:

"A man asked the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the Prohet answered: `Halâl (ie. permissible).' When the man turned to leave, the Prophet called him or ordered for him to be called back and said : "What did you say? In which of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no. Verily Allâh is not ashamed of the truth - do not enter your wives in their anuses!" [as-Shâfi, al-Baihaqi and others: Sahîh]

d.. Fourth:

"Allâh does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus". [an-Nasâ'î: Hasan isnâd and supported in "al-'Ishrah"; at-Tirmidhî and Ibn Hibbân].

e.. Fifth:

"Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses." [Abû Dawûd, Ahmad and others with hasan isnâd and is supported].

f.. Sixth:

"Whoever has sexual intercourse with a mentruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad. [Abû Dawûd, at-Tirmidhî and others: Sahîh].

Making Wudhû’ between 2 acts with one's wife

When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhû’, based on the statement of the Prophet :

"When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform wudhû’ between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhû’ which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return."[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and others].

Bathing is preferable

Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhû’ in such situations. Abu Râfi' narrates: "That the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet:

"Couldn't you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet answered : "This way is purer, cleaner and better". [Abû Dâwûd, an-Nasâ'î: Hasan in "al-'Ishrah", and others].

The Bathing of Husband and Wife together

It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadîth , among them:

1.. On the authority of 'آ'ishah (radiAllâhu anha) who said:

"I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept together).'"[Al-Bukharî and Muslim].

2.. On the authority of Mu'âwiya ibn Haida, who said:

"I said: `O Messenger of Allâh, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?' The Prophet answered, "Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O Messenger of Allâh, what about if the relatives live together with each other?' The Prophet answered : "If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." He said: `O Messenger of Allâh, what about when one is alone?' The Prophet said: "Allâh is more deserving of your modesty than are the people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawûd, at-Tirmidhî and others: Sahîh].

Making Wudhû’ after Sex and before Sleeping

It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhû'. There are various hadîth about this, among them:

a.. First: On the authority of 'آ'shah who said:

"Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhû’ as for prayer." [Al-Bukhârî and Muslim].

b.. Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said:

"O Messenger of Allâh, should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" The Prophet answered: "Yes, after making wudhuu." [Al-Bukhârî and Muslim]. In another version: "Perform wudhû’ and wash your private parts, and then sleep." [Al-Bukhârî and Muslim]. And, in another version: "Yes, you can perform wudhû’, sleep, and bathe whenever you want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another version: "Yes, and perform wudhû’ if you wish." (This last version proves that this wudhû’ is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Sahîh].

c.. Third: On the authority of 'Ammâr ibn Yâsir, the Prophet said:

"There are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhû’." [Abu Dawûd, Ahmad and others: Hasan].

The Ruling of this Wudhû’

This wudhû’ is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the hadîth narrated by 'Umar in which he asked the Prophet: "Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" To which the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform wudhû’ if you wish." [Ibn Hibbân: Sahîh]. This is also supported by other hadîth , among them a hadîth narrated by 'آ'ishah who said: "The Prophet used to sleep in a state of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and bathe." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, at-Tirmidhî, Abu Dâwûd and others: Sahîh].

In another version narrated by 'آ'ishah , she said:

""He used to spend the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhân. Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting." Mutarrif said: "I said to آmir: In the month of Ramadhân?" He said: "Yes, in Ramadhân and in other than Ramadhân." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Sahîh].

Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhû’

It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhû’ before sleeping. This is based on a hadîth of 'آ'ishah in which she said: "

When the Prophet was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhû’ or Tayammum." [Al-Baihaqi: Hasan]

Bathing before Sleeping is Perferable

Bathing however, is perferable to any of the above-mentioned possibilities as is clear in the hadîth of `Abullâh ibn Qais who said: "I asked 'Ai'ishah :

"What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhû’ and then slept." I said: "Praise be to Allâh who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwâna].

The Prohibition of sex when She is Menstruating

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur'ân:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allâh. For Allâh loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Al-Baqarah, 2:222]

There are also hadîth about this, among them:

a.. First:

"Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad."

b.. Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said:

"When one of their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allâh revealed the verse:   "They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...”   Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of Allâh, verily the Jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?" The Prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwâna and Abu Dâwûd].

The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses

Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadîth narrated by 'Abdullâh ibn 'Abbâs from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows:

"Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhî, Abu Dawûd, At-Tabarâni and others: Sahîh].

What is Permissible when She is on her Periods

It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadîth s about this:

First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwâna and Abû Dâwûd]

Second: On the authority of 'آ'ishah who said:

"When we were on our periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her." [al-Bukhârî, Muslims and others].

Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said:

"When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [Abo Dâwûd: Sahîh]

When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?

When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhû’, or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allâh's statement in the Qur’ân:

"But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allâh. For Allâh loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Al-Baqarah 2:222]

This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Atâ, Qatadah, al-Awzâ'î and Dâwud az-Zâhirî and of Mujâhid: as Ibn Hazm says:

"All three of these are a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband."

The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the آyah revealed concerning the people of Qubâ:

"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allâh loves those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]

There is nothing here in the آyah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the آyah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a further proof.

The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus

(Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission of one's wife).

It is allowed for a Muslim man to practise coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadîth about this:

First: On the authority of Jâbir who said: "We were practising coitus interruptus, and the Qur’ân was being revealed." [al-Bukhârî and Muslim]. In another version, he sa: "We used to practise coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us from doing it." id [Muslim, an-Nasâ'î and at-Tirmidhî].

Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'îd al-Khudhriy, who said:

"A man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practise coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide." The Prophet said: "The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allâh wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it." [An-Nâsâ'î in al-'Ishrah: Abu Dawûd and others: Sahîh].

Third: On the authority of Jâbir, a man came to the Prophet and said:

"I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said: "use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said: "She has become pregnant!" The Prophettold him: "I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come." [Muslim, Abu Dawûd and others].

It is Preferrable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.

Not practising coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons:

First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negetive points.

Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet: "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers." [Abu Dawûd, an-Nasâ'î and others: Sahîh]. This is why the Prophet once referred to it as "minor infanticide" (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying: "That is minor infanticide". [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For this was preferable in the hadîth narrated by Abu Sa'îd al-Khudhriy saying: "Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he said: "Why would one of you do that? (note he did not say "let none of you do that") Allâh is the Creator of every single soul." [Muslim]. In another version, he said: "You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be." [Muslim]

What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage

Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allâh has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What's more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex. This is based on the following hadîth of the Prohpet narrated by Abu Dharr:

"Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O Messenger of Allâh, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allâh not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say SubhannAllâh (Exalted is Allâh) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allâhuakbar (Allâh is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allâh) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions said: "O Messenger of Allâh , is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?" They said: "Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward." [Muslim, an-Nasâ'î in al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].

What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night

It is desireable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desireable for them to do likewise for him, as in the following hadîth narrated by Anas :

"The Messenger of Allâh gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and an-Nasâ'î: Sahîh].

The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and there are various hadîth about it, among them:

First: On the authority of Jâbir who said:

"The Prophet said: "Whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allâh and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated." [Al-Hâkim, at-Tirmidhî and others: Sahîh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardâ' who said:

"I came out of the public bath and I met Allâh's Messenger who said to me: 'From where have you come O Umm Dardâ'?' I said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad : Sahîh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Malîh who said:

"Some women from Ash-Shâm entered upon 'آ'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The women answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shâm (the area of present-day Syria)." 'آ'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district which allows its women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As for me, I heard the Messenger of Allâh say: "Every woman who removes her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and Allâh." [at-Tirmidhî, Abu Dawûd and others: Sahîh]

The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadîth are about this:

First:

"Verily among the worst people before Allâh on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmâ bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said:

"Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allâh verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitân who meets a female shaitân along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Sahîh due to supports]

The Obligation of a Wedding Feast

The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet to 'Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf to do so, and on the hadîth narrated by Buraida ibn At-Hasîb, who said: "When 'Ali sought the hand of Fâtimah (the Prophet's daughter) in marraige, he said that the Prophet said: "A wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast."The narrator said: "Sa'ad said: '(a feast) of a sheep. ' Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and at-Tabarâni: Its isnâd is acceptable as al-Hâfiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul-Bârî: 9/188]

The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast

The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:

First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Bârî: 9/242-244) three days after the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet which has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: "The Prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food." [al-Bukhârî and al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: "The Prophet married Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days." [Abu Ya'lâ and others: Hasan].

Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. The Prophet said:

"Do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawûd, at-Tirmidhî and others: Sahîh].

Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on the following hadîth , Anas said: "Abdur-Rahmân came to al-Madînah, and the Prophet assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabî' al-Ansâriy as his brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said:

"O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madînah (in another version: "... of the Ansâr"), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version: "... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in Allâh, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmân said: "No, by Allâh, may Allâh bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the market-place."And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said to him: "What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allâh, I have married a woman among the Ansâr." The Prophet answered: "What did you give her for her dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then, the Prophet said: "May Allâh bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmân said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it." Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhârî, an-Nasâ'î and others].

Also on the authority of Anas he said:

"I never saw the Prophet sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more." [Al-Bukhârî, Muslim and others].

Wedding Feasts can be give with Other than Meat

It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following hadîth narrated by Anas:

"The Prophet stayed between Khaibar and al-Madînah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhârî, Muslim and others].

Participation of the Wealthy in the Feast with their Wealth

It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based on the hadîth narrated by Anas about the Prophet's marriage to Safiya:

"Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom. Then he said: "Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said "Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet." [Al-Bukhârî, Muslims and others].