The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding

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Prologue

The Author’’s Introduction

All praise is due to Allâh, the One who said in the clear verses of His Book:

  “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect”.[al-Rûm 30:21]

May the prayers and peace of Allâh be upon His Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the one who said in an authenticated hadîth:

 “ “Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama”. [Ahmad and at-Tabârani with hasan isnâd. And declared sahîh from Anas by Ibn Hibbân. And it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]

After this opening: There are in Islâm, certain etiquettes upon anyone who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers ﷺ has ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which many wives in particular have been tested.

I ask Allâh Most High to bring about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.

It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in the source and validity of his acitons. I hope for him that Allâh will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his married life with the following of the sunnah, and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has described in the Qur’ân saying:

  And those who pray, “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” [al-Furqân 25:74]

The final disposition of things is for those of pious practise, as the Lord of the Worlds said:

  As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, – all they desire. “Eat ye and drink ye to your heart’s content: for that ye worked (righteousness).” Thus do We certainly reward the Doers of Good. [al-Mursalât 77:41-44]

The following then, are those etiquettes:

Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her

It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the hadîth narrated by Asmâ’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said:

 “ “I beautified ‘As’ishah for Allâh’s Messenger ﷺ, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to ‘Â’ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: “Take from the hand of the Prophet ﷺ.” She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet ﷺ said to her, “Give some to your companion.” At that point, I said: “O Messenger of Allâh ﷺ, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.” He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet ﷺ had drunk. Then, the Prophet ﷺ said about some women who were there with me: “Give them some.” But, they said: “We don’t want it.” (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet ﷺ said: “Do not combine hunger and fibbing!” [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 isnâds – one of which supports the other, and it is supported…]”

Placing your hands on your wife’s head and praying for her

The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allâh Most High, and pray for Allâh’s blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet ﷺ:

 “ “When any of you marries a woman … he should hold her forelock, mention Allâh Most High, and pray for His blessings saying: “O Allâh, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her.” {Allâhumma innî as’aluka min khairiha wa khairi mâ jabaltaha ‘alaihi wa a’ûdhubika min sharriha wa sharri mâ jabaltaha ‘alaihi} [Abû Dawûd and others. Al-Bukhari in “Af’âlul-‘Ibâd”, Abû Dawûd, Ibn Majah, al-Hâkim, al-Baihaqî and Abû Ya’lâ with hasan isnâd …]

The praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakât together on their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:
a.. First: On the authority of Abu Sa’îd Mawla Abu Asyad who said:

  “I got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the Prophet ﷺ, among them was Ibn Mas’ûd, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said to him: ‘No!’ He said: ‘Is it so?’ And they said: ‘Yes.’ Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught me, saying: ‘When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakât. Then, ask Allâh for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and ‘Abdur-Razzâq]

b.. Second: On the authority of Shaqîq who said:

  “A man named Abu Harîz came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.’ ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ûd said to him: “Verily, closeness is from Allâh, and hatred is from Shaitân, who wishes to make despicable that which Allâh has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakât.'” In another version of the same story, “‘Abdullah went on to say: ‘And say: ‘O Allâh give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allâh join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us that which is better.'” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabarâni and ‘Abdur-Razzâq: Sahîh].

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